Tuesday, Wednesday: He's still dead.
Thursday, Friday: Dead, dead, dead.
Saturday, there's decay, bury this bastard soon!
Veteran actor Tom Bosley passed away today at the age of 83. Despite former castmate Henry Winkler's multiple resuscitation attempts (measured chest raps preceeded by kunckle blowing), Bosley was unable to be revived. It turns out that lung cancer is a little trickier to fix than a flaky jukebox.
The fatherly advice-dispensing "Mr. C." to an entire generation of Happy Days fans, Bosley labored heavily as straight man and moral compass to an entire cast of wannabe comedians. In the years after Happy Days, Bosley would push his acting range to the limit, playing the titular role of Father Francis Dowling in the thriller The Father Dowling Mysteries. Bosley, a Jewish man, once claimed that he considered dabbling in pederasty to help him prepare for his role as a crime-solving Catholic priest. Show producers credited The Boz with the idea of giving Dowling a street-smart nun sidekick with a man's name. The electric on-screen combination would turn out to be television gold.
As Bosley himself "goes upstairs," perhaps one of the greatest mysteries of life will finally be solved: what REALLY happened to his disappearing on-screen son, Chuck Cunningham? On the topic of his on-screen family, Bosley's last words, spoken in a telephone interview this morning, were, "Erin Moran is batshit crazy."*
The consummate pitchman to the end, Bosley will fulfill his contract with Proctor & Gamble by having his remains interred in a puncture-proof 45-gallon Glad ForceFlex(TM) Contractor Bag.
No happy days for DeathWatchers as they were unable to predict Bosley's life "jumping the shark" this year. Even with the help of Sister Steve, they still would have found themselves missing out on this 17 point clue.
*He may not have really said this. But seriously, she's crazy. Like certifiable!
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