CURRENT SCORES

(updated 02/02/11 (Liz Edwards, Jack LaLanne, Senator Robert Byrd)): 
 1.  Irish Car Bomb, The                      143
 2.  Deady Money                                  93
 3.  Wednesday                                      92
 4(T).  Grim Reaper, The                       89
 4(T).  Talking Deads, The                    89
 6.  Crippler, The                                   80
 7(T). Thanatos Therapeuticus               73
 7(T). Death By Creamy Liquid             73
 7(T). Return of Roger Mortis, The        73
10.  Mr. Black                                          59
11(T).  Serpent at the Gates of Wisdom   58
11(T).  Raszul: Messenger of Death         58
13(T).  You Die                                      46
13(T).  Oracle, The                                 46
15(T) .  BadAss Dan                               26

15(T).  Gravity Ripple                             26

15(T).  Miss of Death (RETIRED: KARMA)        had 26

15(T).  Rock N' Roll Suicide                   26

Tied at ZERO for the rest of ETERNITY

 19.  Kerberos                                       0  OUCH!
 19.  Shadow, The                                0  CLOSED OUT!

The LAST Last Roundup

Deathwatch 2010 draws to a close with a fizzle.  There have been several deaths that I have failed to catalog in the past couple months (e.g. Elizabeth Edwards, Jack LaLanne, etc.).  But the game ends tonight at midnight.  And then we'll wait a week to make sure there are no stragglers.  I'm going to update the scores tonight, but I don't think ANYONE is going to catch freshman sensation Irish Car Bomb.  Each of you should give your list a once-over and report any problems to me immediately!

You may have noticed that no renewal email has come out, and that's because I think DeathWatch has run its course for me.  I haven't been very good about writing up the stories recently.  And so it's time to move on.

Acknowledgements:
I wanted to first say thanks to Kerberos and BadAssDan for originating DeathWatch with me and for helping to keep DeathWatch running continuously since way back in 2000.  I also wanted to say a special thanks to The Shadow for picking up the slack for me when I was on vacation or just too freaking lazy to post something for the past several years.  To Roger Mortis and the crew out in Chi-town, it's been spectacular, guys, knowing that you were all out there reading my posts about Kirk Cameron!   All my peeps from the Classics, you have kept it fun!   Thanks to Deady Money for having a kick-ass name, and for breaking many of the deaths to me via text message over the years!  Death by Creamy Liquid:  thanks for having the worst name in the history of the game!

I'll be posting a farewell post, with some of your favorite moments in DeathWatch, so stay tuned!

Wishing a happy and death-free 2011 to you and yours!
Grim

P.S.  I sincerely hope, that even with this game coming to an end, that televangelists continue to die at an alarming rate.  --G.R.

Father Dowling's History

Sunday, Monday: Bosley's dead.
Tuesday, Wednesday: He's still dead.
Thursday, Friday:  Dead, dead, dead.
Saturday, there's decay, bury this bastard soon!

Veteran actor Tom Bosley passed away today at the age of 83.  Despite former castmate Henry Winkler's multiple resuscitation attempts (measured chest raps preceeded by kunckle blowing), Bosley was unable to be revived. It turns out that lung cancer is a little trickier to fix than a flaky jukebox.

The fatherly advice-dispensing "Mr. C." to an entire generation of Happy Days fans, Bosley labored heavily as straight man and moral compass to an entire cast of wannabe comedians.  In the years after Happy Days, Bosley would push his acting range to the limit, playing the titular role of Father Francis Dowling in the thriller The Father Dowling Mysteries.  Bosley, a Jewish man, once claimed that he considered dabbling in pederasty to help him prepare for his role as a crime-solving Catholic priest.  Show producers credited The Boz with the idea of giving Dowling a street-smart nun sidekick with a man's name.  The electric on-screen combination would turn out to be television gold.

As Bosley himself "goes upstairs," perhaps one of the greatest mysteries of life will finally be solved: what REALLY happened to his disappearing on-screen son, Chuck Cunningham?  On the topic of his on-screen family, Bosley's last words, spoken in a telephone interview this morning, were, "Erin Moran is batshit crazy."*

The consummate pitchman to the end, Bosley will fulfill his contract with Proctor & Gamble by having his remains interred in a puncture-proof 45-gallon Glad ForceFlex(TM) Contractor Bag.

No happy days for DeathWatchers as they were unable to predict Bosley's life "jumping the shark" this year.  Even with the help of Sister Steve, they still would have found themselves missing out on this 17 point clue.

*He may not have really said this. But seriously, she's crazy.  Like certifiable!

Spartacorpse

Gay? I don't fucking think so.

Why go with "Spartacorpse" as the headline to announce the death of movie icon Tony Curtis? 'Cause it's short, it's pithy and it just works, dammit.

Yeah, we could've used "Some Like It Dead." That might have been a good way to let folks know that the veteran actor died today at the age of 85. But it just wasn't good enough.

Sure. If you'd seen a headline that said, "Yonder Lies the Casket of My Fadder," you'd have gotten the message that Jamie Lee Curtis's old man had kicked it. But it might not have done a good enough job rousing images of Lawrence Olivier trying to do Curtis in the keister.

No, no. Spartacorpse is the only headline good enough for you, the players of DW2K10. Especially you, Crippler, the only player to score those 15 sweet, sweet points. Enjoy 'em.

Don't Let the Coffin Lid Hit You in the Ass on the Way Out

Adios, dickhead.

Congrats to Deady Money, You Die and The Oracle for their 20 point score.

Splendid American

Cartoonist Harvey Pekar died today at the age of 70. No DW2K10 players had him on their lists and he was far too awesome to make fun of. The latest shitty thing to happen to Cleveland.

The Grim Reaper "Smokes a Bol"

Manute Bol, NBA basketball shot blocker and tireless advocate for the Sudan has died at an estimated 47 years old, from a rare and brutal skin condition.   Bol, pictured here with diminutive teammate Muggsy Bogues, was born to a Sudanese tribe, and legend has it, had once killed a lion with a spear!  Bol's first passport photo listed him at 5'7", not 7'7", because he was measured sitting down.  (This still made him 4 inches taller than Bogues.)

Billy Crystal could not be reached for comment.  Crystal, who filmed the cinematic blockbuster "My Giant" with Gheorghe Mureşan, had big plans for Bol's legendary anatomy.  Crystal was in talks to exploit Bol's ridiculous size AND country in the upcoming comedy/action sequel, "My Giant, Too:  Darfurious" 


None of our DeathWatchers chose the intrepid dead bushman, and 53 points go unclaimed.